A few funnies sprinkled with a bit of insight and disappointment. And regret.

It’s 2015. Your team has to wake up determined and put in one hell of a work week to get web pages to render slowly. And yet so many succeed. tweet.

My modest proposal: your website should not exceed in file size the major works of Russian literature. Anna Karenina, for example, is 1.8 MB. tweet.

If your design team insists on including a lot of Javascript cruft and CSS resets, make them write it all out longhand with a quill pen. tweet.

Two steps to better mobile design: 1) Make sure that the most critical elements of the page download and render first. 2) Stop right there. tweet.

If you’re a web designer/front-end developer, It may help to think of the fan on your laptop as a shaming rather than a cooling device. tweet.

The only honest measure of page load speed: time from initial TLS handshake to when the user has finally stopped closing all the ads. tweet.

More generally, there should be an attribute to allow non-designers’ browsers to only load useful images. tweet.

Astonished to find that a blog site needs a Bloom filter daemon and has Product Scientists. “On the web we want to stay close to the metal” tweet.

I move that the web get faster as computers and networks get faster. tweet.

“We aspire to simple, powerful, yet revenue-free systems that can turn a 500 word blog post into a multi-megabyte user experience” tweet.

All this and more also collected in The Website Obesity Crisis talk.